“How are we so busy?” a friend and I said to one another recently, “how is it that we cannot seem to find time to sit together and catch up?” We had to laugh at the thought. We are not high level executives, not running from meeting to meeting. How is it then that we find ourselves too busy?
It’s been going on for a month or so on my end. And all that’s happening is good. Of course, “good” in my book can mean new invigorating ideas and it can also mean deeper looks inside myself and contemplation of difficult situations shared by friends. But to me, it’s all life. It’s all important. It’s all good.
The problem is within my own head. Somehow these ideas and situations and commitments and yes, meetings start spinning and they become confusing and in some ways debilitating. The noise becomes too much and I am unable to focus, to concentrate, to think clearly. Meditation helps for awhile but then the noise picks up once again and the din gets close to unbearable. It hit a peak about two weeks ago when sleep was elusive, when my replies became clipped and the thought bubble above my head contained a pretty snarky array of comments.
It was time to hit the reset button.
An introvert through and through, I knew I needed time alone to do this. So I spent the weekend slowing down. This is not to say that I did nothing. It was more a mending of those foundational elements that add a nudge of angst to daily activities–physical work that needed to be done but also left room for my mind to loosen up and my heart to soften. I updated my computer’s operating system–it now runs faster. I washed all of the windows in my house removing dust and cobwebs that had accumulated for far longer than I’d like to admit. While I worked I let my mind wander wherever it wanted to go, and I had to smile as I moved from window to window for in removing the film between me and the outside world I did the same thing for my mind and heart. As the day wore on and the light shown in from the bright fall day I became lighter as well.
Achieving reset is often more difficult than it sounds. And there is no “right” way to do it in fact, I’d guess that there are as many ways to reset as there are beings on the planet. And beyond that, each of us finds many ways to reset depending on the circumstances we face. Sometimes it may call for a solitary space, other times, a walk in the woods. Perhaps sitting around a table with friends. It’s up to us to sense what we need and answer in a way that feeds us but even as I write this I know it’s not that easy. The tricky part is that we can often sense that it’s necessary, we can see the signs as they build, but so often we struggle to find the heartspace or space in our calendars, that alchemy of body, mind, spirit and time which allows it to happen. It’s almost as if our hearts and minds must get to a breaking point, somehow moving us to stop and go deep instead of forward. And once we recognize the need we must find the time and space to allow ourselves to be mended.
My daily prayers take on a higher level of meaning when I hit these raw places for in asking for clarity of heart and mind I need to ask for help in removing the barriers I seem to erect which block spirit from moving through me. Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? We build up these barriers, shouldering on, assuming control, but in building these walls we push spirit aside and try to do all of the work ourselves and everything gets caught up and spinning rather than flowing through us.
By yesterday evening, my windows were clean, the 100 year old glass showing off its wavy pattern etched by rivers of time. Showered and wrapped in a blanket, I sat on the front porch and felt the peace that I’d been missing–mind quiet, heart softened.
And I am grateful that this weekend of resetting worked for me. Sometimes we step away, take a break, only to find that din still murmuring in the background. As I move into this new week I take this renewed openness received through resetting, and I find that the world looks brighter, more approachable, and more possible through my open heart and my clean windows.